Day seventeen: Housecleaning

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Apparently Swami Satchidananda (who opened Woodstock and was Swami Sivananda’s stu­dent) — his stu­dents sat so close to him in class that they would blow their cig­a­rette smoke in his face.

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Day sixteen: Intermediate

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Woke up at 5:45 from intense dreams of women I knew, a man­sion in the hills, down­town Beirut dark and desert­ed, duplic­i­ty, coitus inter­rup­tus, phone calls, and say­ing the wrong name. Meditated for 20 min­utes at sat­sang and now my mind is clear.

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Day fifteen: Raja

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Satsang this morn­ing includ­ed ten min­utes of med­i­ta­tion fol­lowed by chant­i­ng then an Om for the two new pro­grams start­ing today. Prasad was very good.

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Day fourteen: Newness

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I haven’t been dream­ing much since that first day, but this morn­ing I woke up from rec­ol­lec­tions of a girl from my past, two friends from my present, some naked­ness, and the words “She’s yucky.” Shiva Hall now — I guess I’ll do some read­ing until 6 a.m. sat­sang… Silent walk! Cool, refresh­ing, love­ly morn­ing… Lunch was good today, and I came the clos­est I have so far to fin­ish­ing my plate.

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Day thirteen: Freeday!

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Woke up at 8:30 and I’m in the court­yard chat­ting with Michael (retiree from Berlin), who is leav­ing this morn­ing to Varkala. Last night at the Shiva fes­ti­val some­one grabbed me to reveal that some­one (anoth­er some­one appar­ent­ly) has “a crush” on me.

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Day twelve: Shivaratri

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I need to work on my cross-legged sit­ting posi­tion — it feels like I’m not prop­er­ly bal­anced and tends to quiver when I hold it for a long time. This is my biggest obsta­cle to med­i­ta­tion. This morn­ing at sat­sang I could only do it for 5 min­utes before com­plete­ly los­ing my con­cen­tra­tion.

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