Flabbergasting Discoveries

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Good morn­ing and wel­come to our show. Today I have the dubi­ous hon­or of being your host for this tele­vi­sion project. This being non-nar­ra­tive, i.e. non-fic­tion, any­thing that I say here should be tak­en as the Truth, with a cap­i­tal T, and not some rel­a­tivis­tic, post­mod­ern half-assed ver­sion thereof.

Even though I might not believe this truth, I am bound by my oblig­a­tion as Nar­ra­tor to read what is writ­ten on this page, noth­ing more noth­ing less, as con­coct­ed by the writer/director. These words, there­fore, are not my own. End of disclaimer.

Hav­ing cleared that up, let’s move on to the main top­ic of our show today, a dis­cov­ery so ground­break­ing, so mind-bog­gling, so flab­ber­gast­ing that it’ll trans­form life on Earth as we know it.

But before I get to that, allow me to talk about some­thing close to my heart: Procrastination.

The online ency­clo­pe­dia Wikipedia defines… Hey, what? Yeah, yeah I’ll get to it. I will. Just let me do this first OK? So, Wikipedia defines Pro­cras­ti­na­tion as “the defer­ment or avoid­ance of an action or task to a lat­er time. For the per­son pro­cras­ti­nat­ing this may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of pro­duc­tiv­i­ty, the cre­ation of cri­sis, and the cha­grin of oth­ers for not ful­fill­ing one’s respon­si­bil­i­ties or com­mit­ments. Chron­ic pro­cras­ti­na­tion may be a sign of an under­ly­ing psy­cho­log­i­cal or phys­i­o­log­i­cal disorder.”

Don’t you just love Wikipedia? Imag­ine. An ency­clo­pe­dia put togeth­er by peo­ple all across the globe… OK, OK I’ll get on with it. “The psy­cho­log­i­cal caus­es of pro­cras­ti­na­tion vary great­ly, but gen­er­al­ly sur­round issues of anx­i­ety, low sense of self-worth and a self-defeat­ing mentality.”

“Research on the phys­i­o­log­i­cal roots of pro­cras­ti­na­tion most­ly sur­rounds the role of the pre­frontal cor­tex. Dam­age or low acti­va­tion in this area can reduce an indi­vid­u­al’s abil­i­ty to fil­ter out dis­tract­ing stim­uli, result­ing in poor­er orga­ni­za­tion, a loss of atten­tion and increased procrastination.”

Thank you dear.

When you pro­cras­ti­nate, even the most mun­dane, infin­i­tes­i­mal minu­ti­ae become fas­ci­nat­ing. Watch­ing paint dry is a joy, or in this case watch­ing paint that has been dry for years and years, which is no less enthralling. Peo­ple, faces, hands, ears, nos­trils, fin­gers, cuti­cles, all acquire a new lev­el of won­der. Inan­i­mate objects take on new life.

But at the end of the day what’ve you achieved? Well in this case, a script. Yes this very text that I present to you today is the direct result of pro­cras­ti­na­tion, mixed with a healthy dose of bore­dom, and a pinch of self-loathing.

And so now, with­out fur­ther ado, I’ll move on to the main top­ic of the evening. A dis­cov­ery so ground­break­ing, so mind-bog­gling, so flab­ber – what? Oh. OK. Folks it seems we’re out of time. But we’ll always have next week. Take care of your­selves and each oth­er. Good night and good luck.


Mee­do Taha received an Hon­orary PhD in Pro­cras­ti­na­tion from The School of Hard Knocks in 2008. He gives dai­ly lec­tures on the sub­ject to a packed audi­ence of one.


Nadzo September 17, 2010 at 12:12 pm

i love it
i hate it, because i see myself so clearly in it
but i love it

Nadzo September 17, 2010 at 3:12 pm

i love it
i hate it, because i see myself so clearly in it
but i love it

samsam September 17, 2010 at 12:45 pm

So true but it makes me sad.

samsam September 17, 2010 at 3:45 pm

So true but it makes me sad.

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